“In a room where people unanimously maintain a conspiracy of silence, one word of truth sounds like a pistol shot.”
Czesław Miłosz
Writing has been somewhat of a challenge for me the past year or so which is why you haven’t heard from me. I’m still in love with the way my heart bleeds out on the page. But it’s been like the cat got my tongue. As if my beautiful mind has slipped away from me. My words and my truth go hand-in-hand, but they disconnect easily. Breaking up every time one gets too ugly to face. My truth weighs in at impossible to carry; my words ease the burden in her. I know there’s no straight path to healing, but writing feels like I’m at least on the way. So here I am… just trying to string words together until they make sense again. Exposing my innermost places to the world as if someone’s going to read this. But I don’t write for y’all anyway. This is for me. Another day I lived to write my truth. Without guilt or shame, or fear of what you think of me. Writing is my God-given gift. I’d be remiss to waste such a present. So let’s try this again. With a deep breath… and a pause, to take heed of the moment. Here exists both my words and my truth.
Hebrews 2:18 AMPC [18] For because He Himself [in His humanity] has suffered in being tempted (tested and tried), He is able [immediately] to run to the cry of (assist, relieve) those who are being tempted and tested and tried [and who therefore are being exposed to suffering].
Choosing to live for God is not easy. It, like anything else, comes with its own set of challenges, like constantly denying your flesh and remembering that God is not a genie. It sounds like a good idea, and it’s definitely the thing we should all be striving to do, but it isn’t a light load to carry. When I chose to follow Christ for real this time, temptation did not end. In fact, it increased. It’s as if my mind has become an even bigger battleground. My dreams range from triggering to terrifying, and my intrusive thoughts have been insane. I’m constantly having to pray in the Spirit and talk to God aloud to keep myself together. But honestly, that’s been the best part. It’s like the added pressure to live right instead of falling back into old habits and familiarity is pushing me further into fellowship with God. I have shut off all access to anything that could rob me of my purpose—social media, music, TV shows and movies, friends, exes, etc. I’m focused on God and locked into His word so that I can continue to resist the enemy.
I do not want to go backwards, but do you know how much easier it would be to do so? It’s easy to send a quick text, hit a blunt, and go right back to a compromising lifestyle, but how much would it cost me? All of the pain I’ve endured and the decisions I’ve had to make over the last year would have all been for nothing, and for what? A quick fix that’ll only soothe a moment at the cost of a lifetime. It’s not worth it. The purpose and plan that God has for my life is worth every sacrifice it takes to get there. Reaching my destiny matters more to me than succumbing to temporary satisfaction because it will affect me and every person connected to me, starting with my family, which is my first ministry. Motherhood has made me prioritize family infinitely more and take my faith walk seriously for once in my life. The choices I make, whether wrong or right, have a lasting impact on the future I step into. I want to be a strong godly example for my children and everyone who looks up to me, in both words and in action.
Until I decided in my heart that I would no longer submit to the enemy’s plans for my life and I finally released all of the things God had been telling me to let go of, I was stuck in a loop—making up with God then breaking up with Him to get back with the world. I was trapped in the prison of my own choices. The keyword here is choice. We often emphasize that God can’t make us do anything because He’s given us free will, but the same applies to the enemy. We are not forced to do bad things. We choose to do bad things. Just like God can’t make us live for Him, the enemy can’t make us sin; he only presents us with opportunities to sin. It’s up to us what we decide to do from there. Every single moment of our lives is filled with choices. Do this, don’t do that. To do this or not to do this. While the details of our lives aren’t always within our direct control, our choices have the power to lead us down paths that can either make us or break us.
Many of the choices I made towards the end of my teen years, leading into my twenties, laid a foundation for the things I would later experience. I did not have healthy friendships, I hadn’t established my own beliefs outside of blindly following the traditions I was raised with, I carried a lot of unforgiveness and bitterness in my heart, and I hadn’t dealt with or even acknowledged most of the trauma I had previously endured. I was in an incredibly vulnerable place at 18 years old. By this point, I wasn’t going to church very often, I had stopped serving in ministry altogether, I was isolated due to an unnecessarily heavy workload I placed upon myself for lack of faith in God to provide for me, and I was damaged from familial and romantic relationships. I was desperate to be deeply known, and I believe the enemy knew that. During that pivotal season of my life, I made a connection through shared trauma that would take me completely off course for the next seven years. I remember hearing the voice of God telling me to run from this connection early on, and I did, only to go right back to it a month later. That was my choice. I didn’t know the path it would send me down then, but I chose to disobey God, and turmoil was the result.
My point in mentioning that story is that the enemy only has as much power in our lives as we give him. Although I had moments of conviction throughout this period that would temporarily lead me back to God, I would always leave a door open for the enemy to walk back through, setting myself up to eventually undo all of the progress I’d make. I convinced myself that somehow, someway, I could partake in the things of the world and still have a relationship with God. However, I was forfeiting the intimacy and closeness I desired with God by willfully engaging in the behaviors I knew would break His heart. Any attempt to compromise with sin is disobedience to God. What I’m learning on my journey to release control and trust God is that the more I ignore His voice in the small things, the harder it is to submit to His direction when the big things come. I haven’t yet mastered the art of trusting God because I’ve feared being disappointed by Him. This fear stemmed from me not knowing the promises of God for my life. I had to come to the realization that being raised in church and hearing the word of God preached didn’t mean that the word of God was in my heart or that I believed it to be true for me.
It is impossible to trust God and actively disobey His word. It is also impossible to know God and not know His word. Proverbs 3:5-7 in the Amplified Classic version says, “[5] Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. [6] In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. [7] Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear and worship the Lord and turn [entirely] away from evil.” We come to know God by reading His word and intentionally making time to commune with Him. Through developed intimacy with God, we learn how to resist temptation and trust Him with our lives. I’ve learned that anything that takes my eyes off of God, makes me question my beliefs about God, or disrupts my spiritual routine with God, is the start of misalignment. From there, it is my choice to either resist the temptation to lose focus or give into that temptation. Again, it is so easy to give in because giving in provides that feeling of instant gratification we get so high on. However, the life of God requires our resistance to the things not of God, and resistance is empowered by our commitment to obey God. James 4:7-8 AMPC says, “[7] So be subject to God. Resist the devil [stand firm against him], and he will flee from you. [8] Come close to God and He will come close to you. [Recognize that you are] sinners, get your soiled hands clean; [realize that you have been disloyal] wavering individuals with divided interests, and purify your hearts [of your spiritual adultery].”
Living for God is not easy, but it becomes easier the more we seek His face. Proximity to God eliminates sin from our lives by transforming the way we think. God does not leave us to face our struggles alone. He has gifted those who believe with His own Holy Spirit, who lives within us and empowers us to do what pleases Him. 1 Corinthians 10:13-14 AMPC says, “[13] For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin), [no matter how it comes or where it leads] has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently. [14] Therefore, my dearly beloved, shun (keep clear away from, avoid by flight if need be) any sort of idolatry (of loving or venerating anything more than God).” God hasn’t placed the responsibility of resisting temptation on us without also giving us access to the strength it takes to do so. In order to receive the strength necessary to resist the temptations of this world, we must remain connected to God, who is the source of our strength.
God does not require us to do anything alone, especially when it comes to living for Him. God wants to do life with us, that’s why He chose to live within us. God’s Holy Spirit is our Helper, He wants to help us, but He can only help us as much as we allow Him to. If we’re choosing to walk down paths we’ve chosen for ourselves without first consulting God, or consulting God then ignoring what He instructs us to do, we cannot blame Him when things don’t go our way. God’s no is always protection, and God’s direction will always lead us where we’re supposed to be. We must commit to obedience to resist temptation. We must draw near to God to obey Him. We must believe that all things will come into alignment as we’re walking in God’s perfect will for our lives. We must trust in the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-encompassing, ever-present God of the universe to guide our footsteps. Living for God is not easy, but it is completely possible when we invite Him into every area of our lives to live with us.
Hebrews 4:15-16 AMPC [15] For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. [16] Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it].
1 Corinthians 6:12 AMPC [12] Everything is permissible (allowable and lawful) for me; but not all things are helpful (good for me to do, expedient and profitable when considered with other things). Everything is lawful for me, but I will not become the slave of anything or be brought under its power.
As a recovering control freak, I always believed that I knew what was best for my life. I planned my future with intricate details and made sure I kept a backup plan handy, as well as a backup to the backup plan, just in case things went awry. I never trusted anyone with myself, not even God. If I couldn’t work it out on my own, I assumed that it just wasn’t for me. I was so against being controlled, or so I thought, that I allowed my sin to control me without even being aware of what was happening. I may have believed I was making decisions based on my own desires, but I was allowing social media, friendships and other ungodly connections influence who I was and what I wanted. I allowed just about anything and anyone to give input on my life, except God.
One flaw I notice within myself is pride. Pride drives disobedience. I couldn’t admit that I was wrong in most areas, and that my life did not align with the will of God because I didn’t want to be at fault for the way my life turned out. My main issue with consistently living a Christian lifestyle has been submission. Submission is defined as an act of submitting [to yield or surrender] to the authority [power] or control [rule] of another (Merriam-Webster 2025). I didn’t realize this before, but the idea of being put back in a child’s place was wildly unattractive to me, and I think that’s what turned me off most about living saved. I did not want to listen to God or anyone else. I wanted to do my own thing, follow my own will, and live my life the way I thought was suitable for me. However, the thing about following my own desires is that they aren’t so much my own as they are my flesh, which is prone to sin. If we aren’t being led by God, we’re being led by the enemy. There is nothing in-between.
When God is not in control, we lose focus of our destiny, our priorities become misguided, and our decisions take us further and further away from where we’re supposed to be. I have wasted time and money, damaged relationships, lost opportunities, and picked up habits I never would have learned in the first place had I submitted to God. I can’t possibly know what’s best for my future because I’ve never been there and I have no idea what’s to come, but God does. God is God because He is sovereign [supreme, absolute, unmitigated]. God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent meaning He has unlimited power and authority, He has infinite awareness, understanding, and insight, and He is present in all places at all times (Merriam-Webster, 2025). The only right choice I can make on my own is to follow God.
The enemy is using social media to take our eyes off of God and rob us of our purpose. We are being influenced by people who are also being influenced by people and forces which we have no awareness of. No one is in control of their own life in the way that they think they are. Yes, we have free will to choose which path we will take, but there are only two choices: Life or death. Deuteronomy 30:19 in the Amplified Classic version says, [19] I call heaven and earth to witness this day against you that I have set before you life and death, the blessings and the curses; therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live. The life-giving power of God produces freedom. Social media has convinced us that freedom is being able to do whatever we want without limits or boundaries. However, the boundaries set by God protect us from hurt, harm, and danger. The “freedom” that we think we have outside of God by doing our own thing is an illusion because we are actually living as slaves to sin. Freedom is defined as the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action (Merriam-Webster, 2025). When I was refusing to submit to God because I wanted to live “freely”, I was abusing substances, practicing sexual immorality, harming my body, wasting my resources, and leading others astray. I was also severely depressed and anxious with very low self-esteem. But this was freedom, right? Wrong. It is impossible to be outside of the will of God and truly live free. Surrendering to God is the only path to freedom.
When we are disconnected from God, we are captive to sin. It’s a trick of the enemy to make us believe that living for God is a boring or restrictive lifestyle. If we really stop and think about it, everything that God asks of us helps us become healthy, whole, well-rounded, peaceful, positive, safe, and productive individuals. Let’s take a look at the Ten Commandments, for example, which can be found in Exodus 20:
Do not have other gods before (outside of) God.
Do not make (serve, worship or bow down to) idols.
Do not use the Lord’s name in vain (lightly or frivilously, in false affirmations or profanely).
Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy (withdrawn from regular activities and dedicated to God, set apart for His purposes).
Honor (to regard or treat with admiration and respect) your father and mother.
Do not commit murder.
Do not commit adultery (voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than that person’s current spouse).
Do not steal.
Do not bear false witness (lie) against your neighbor.
Do not covet (to feel unreasonable desire for what belongs to another).
I know what you’re probably thinking… “That’s the Old Testament, does that really even apply to us anymore?” It absolutely does, and here’s how: Jesus came so that we could have fellowship with God without being slaves to the law. However, He did not come to abandon the law altogether. Do any of these commands harm us? No. Are any of these commands unreasonable or impossible to submit to? No. So, why do we push so hard to emphasize our right to break them? *crickets* I’ll wait. The Ten Commandments were set by God to protect the people of Israel from their sinful nature and establish a foundation for their relationship with God. Jesus came so that when we sinned against God by breaking His commandments, we would be able to repent and receive His forgiveness, rather than be subjected to death and separation from God lest we offer a ritualistic sacrifice. John 14:15 AMPC says, [15] If you [really] love Me, you will keep (obey) My commands. God gives us boundaries by way of His commands because He loves us, and if we say we love Him, we must be faithful to doing what He instructs us to do. Following God’s commands will only ever lead to a good life because His commands were meant to bless us. Living holy does not prevent us from having fun. The things that the world calls fun, but goes against God’s commands, will only ever lead to negative consequences, including physical and spiritual death.
Too often we are willing to compromise our beliefs in order to fit in and subscribe to the ways and conditions of our environment, but we aren’t willing to commit to holiness (complete devotion to righteousness, or right-standing, with God) because of our fear of missing out. However, our commitment to disobedience does not change the word of God. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 AMPC says, [16] Every Scripture is God-breathed (given by His inspiration) and profitable for instruction, for reproof and conviction of sin, for correction of error and discipline in obedience, [and] for training in righteousness (in holy living, in conformity to God’s will in thought, purpose, and action), [17] So that the man of God may be complete and proficient, well fitted and thoroughly equipped for every good work. ALL scripture is inspired by God, not just the New Testament, but the Old and the New. The Old Testament is equally beneficial in instructing us on what to do and how to live. We cannot get caught up in this culture that glorifies doing whatever we feel is right, primarily because our feelings are subject to change. We must follow God’s word, not just the parts that we like or the things that seem easy to do, but all of His word.
Hebrews 4:12 AMPC says, [12] For the Word that God speaks is alive and full of power [making it active, operative, energizing, and effective]; it is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life (soul) and [the immortal] spirit, and of joints and marrow [of the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart. When we decide to follow the will of God for our lives and live the way He has instructed us to live, we experience true freedom. That is, a life unbound to sin. By submitting to God, we make room for the One who created us to shape our lives and use us for His glory. Why should we want to be used by God? Because that is our ultimate purpose. There is nothing we should want more than to be in the center of God’s perfect will for our lives. There, and only there, will we find freedom.
Romans 6:15, 20-23 AMPC
[15] What then [are we to conclude]? Shall we sin because we live not under Law but under God's favor and mercy? Certainly not! [20] For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. [21] But then what benefit (return) did you get from the things of which you are now ashamed? [None] for the end of those things is death. [22] But now since you have been set free from sin and have become the slaves of God, you have your present reward in holiness and its end is eternal life. [23] For the wages which sin pays is death, but the [bountiful] free gift of God is eternal life through (in union with) Jesus Christ our Lord.
John 15:16 AMPC [16] You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you and I have appointed you [I have planted you], that you might go and bear fruit and keep on bearing, and that your fruit may be lasting [that it may remain, abide], so that whatever you ask the Father in My Name [as presenting all that I AM], He may give it to you.
GOD CHOSE ME is a faith statement because when you’ve messed up as much as I have, it’s hard to believe that the Creator of the universe would ever choose me for anything, but He did. By faith, I believe it. God chose me. Despite my shortcomings, regardless of my failures, and with knowledge of every sin I’ve ever committed. God chose me. God chose me to raise my children. God chose me to encourage my family. God chose me to impact a generation. God chose me. I am not the mess I’ve made because God chose me. I am not the sins I’ve committed because God chose me. I am not what people say I am because God chose me. I will say it until I believe it, and then say it some more. God chose me, and He chose you, too.
Add this to your daily confession, and watch how your thought life transforms.
confess = to declare faith in or adherence to (Merriam-Webster, 2025)
CONFESS THIS ALOUD:
I am the righteousness of God (1 Corinthians 5:21)
I am an heir of God and fellowheir of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:17)
I am loved by God (John 3:16)
I am chosen by God (John 15:16)
I am forgiven by God (1 John 1:9)
Greater is He that’s in me, than he that is in the world (1 John 4:4)
I am a child of the most high God (Romans 8:14-16)
I am the head and not the tail (Deuteronomy 28:13)
I am above only, and not beneath (Deuteronomy 28:13)
I am a lender, not a borrower (Deuteronomy 28:12)
I am healed and made whole [nothing missing, nothing broken] (Isaiah 53:5)
The Spirit of truth lives on the inside of me (John 14:17)
The Spirit of grace lives within me (Zechariah 12:10)
I am an ambassador of Christ (1 Corinthians 5:20)
I have favor with God (1 Corinthians 5:19)
I have the peace of God (Philippians 4:7)
God has a purpose and plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11)
I approach the throne of God with boldness (Ephesians 3:12)
My identity is found in Christ alone (1 Peter 2:9-10)
GOD CHOSE ME!
John 8:36 AMPC [36] So if the Son liberates you [makes you free men], then you are really and unquestionably free.
Proverbs 19:21 AMPC [21] Many plans are in a man's mind, but it is the Lord's purpose for him that will stand.
I’m realizing just how important it is to say yes to God the first time. It saves so much time, effort, and energy when we just say yes. I’ve personally wasted several years of my life running from the will of God, and chasing everything I knew in my heart wasn’t for me. This has led to unnecessary trauma, broken relationships, poor habits, and harmful mindsets God is still working out of me. This has also pushed back the blessing of God connected to my purpose and calling due to my stubbornness and lack of focus. While God has still blessed me exponentially even in the midst of my disobedience, His blessings mainly revolved around saving me from myself and leading me back to Him. I wasn’t able to elevate until I let go of the weights holding me down. God had to guide me to my calling before He could guide me through it.
In seasons when I didn’t know myself and refused to stop, and seek God for help and internal healing, I turned to people who I bonded with through our shared pain. These connections seemed authentic and necessary any time I was engulfed in sin, so much so, I began to take on certain identities believing I was discovering my “true self”. I was wrong. As long as I was under the influence of substances, I could ignore God’s voice. This is how I maintained my delusion. It’s as if I wasn’t raised a Christian and didn’t spend the majority of my life in church every week. It’s as if I didn’t know in my heart that God had a great purpose for my life. I allowed myself to drift so far away from God that I settled with the idea of potentially going to Hell just to stay cozy in the mess I had made. Although I knew the life that I was leading would end in destruction, I somehow convinced myself I was okay with it. I believed the lie of the enemy that said I didn’t deserve better because of how I was living and the sins I had already committed. For years, I accepted the bare minimum, ignored every red flag, diminished my self-worth, and fed into a joint belief that this would go on forever. BUT GOD.
As soon as I would allow myself even the shortest moment of sobriety, God would convict me and I would fight to come out of whatever hole I was in. While my attempts didn’t always last very long, and there were many times I turned right back around and dove head first into toxic cycles and sinful behavior, God was still working. Despite how discouraging my failures were, I began to feel hopeful that one day the changes I knew I needed to make would stick. If I kept trying to be sober, if I kept blocking the people I enjoyed sinning with, if I kept listening to sermons and filtering out what I allowed to be planted into my heart, if I remained open to God and believed that He could actually make a way for me… one day I would be set free from the prison I locked myself away in.
One major problem with disobeying God is it didn’t just hurt me; it hurt everyone I was connected to. Full transparency: I have ruined people because of my disobedience to God. Every time I was convicted by the Holy Spirit, it’s as if a light switch would turn on within me. I would rededicate my life to Christ and throw away anything (and anyone) that didn’t look like Him. Admittedly, I was very toxic in this way because whenever I abandoned my convictions and decided to sin again, I would pick these people right back up as if I had made a mistake letting them go in the first place. I did this over and over again, treating people’s hearts like yo-yo’s because of my own brokenness. I made several enemies by mishandling people’s emotions, trying to live in my own truth rather the truth of who God created me to be. I don’t regret coming out of the lifestyle I was living, but I do regret the trauma and toxicity I imposed upon others by pulling them into a world I enjoyed, but so desperately desired to leave.
I wanted so much more for my future than what I was willing to admit to my connections, and even to myself at times. Unfortunately for them, God heard every prayer I prayed and saw every tear I cried. He never gave up on me, and neither did the people who actually loved me. To this day, I cannot thank my parents, my mom’s prayer circle, and my church family enough for constantly covering me and keeping me lifted up in prayer, not even knowing what I was facing. Their obedience to God led to my escape from darkness. Each time I would hear God’s voice either through a sermon when returning to church or a loving interaction with a familiar face, the truth of God’s word began to outweigh the lies of the enemy. God was calling me back to Him, and I was finally listening.
Romans 8:35, 38-39 AMPC says this, [35] Who shall ever separate us from Christ’s love? Shall suffering and affliction and tribulation? Or calamity and distress? Or persecution or hunger or destitution or peril or sword? [38] For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, [39] Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Nothing in my life was ever going to keep me from God’s love, but my decisions could have absolutely kept me from His will. When we choose to hold onto our sinful ways, we walk in the opposite direction of our purpose. I felt trapped in relationships even when I heard the voice of God tell me to stop, leave, or change, because I was more loyal to the ungodly tie I created than to my destiny. I felt obligated to finish every narrative I wrote, and if I couldn’t save us both at the end of it, I didn’t think I should be saved at all. Do you see how the enemy uses relationships to keep us blind and bound to sin?
I am no one’s Savior. Jesus laid down His life so I would never have to be. Regardless of how painful it was to sever certain connections, God had to remind me that I was only responsible for myself and my salvation. He required my yes and my total obedience. These broken connections allowed God to not only work on my heart, but their hearts as well, without using one another as distractions. We must not delay the will of God by trying to wait for others to meet us at the starting point. God has given us all free will to run our own race at our own pace. We must trust and believe that God knows exactly what He’s doing for us and for our loved ones. If He delivered you, He can deliver them, too.
Jeremiah 29:11 AMPC says this, [11] For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. God’s commands are not in vain. When He says move, MOVE. When He says go, GO. Wherever He leads us, we must follow because His ways always lead to life. There is nothing better than being in the center of God’s perfect will for our lives. It is an honor and a privilege to serve and live for our Creator. All He expects of us is to obey His word. He only requires our yes. Yes, to His will. Yes, to His ways. We must die to our flesh and stop sinning. We cannot be lukewarm and still expect to receive the blessing of God for our lives. We must choose to intentionally live holy, and allow God to transform us from the inside out. Then God’s purpose and plans for our lives will be fulfilled, and His glory will be shown through us.
Job 22:23, 25-28 AMPC [23] If you return to the Almighty [and submit and humble yourself before Him], you will be built up; if you put away unrighteousness far from your tents, [25] And make the Almighty your gold and [the Lord] your precious silver treasure, [26] Then you will have delight in the Almighty, and you will lift up your face to God. [27] You will make your prayer to Him, and He will hear you, and you will pay your vows. [28] You shall also decide and decree a thing, and it shall be established for you; and the light [of God's favor] shall shine upon your ways.
Psalms 32:7-8 AMP
"[7] You are my hiding place; You, Lord, protect me from trouble; You surround me with songs and shouts of deliverance. Selah. [8] I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you [who are willing to learn] with My eye upon you."
I’m realizing that one of the biggest issues I’ve faced when trying to build and maintain relationships throughout my life has been my interpretation of safety. In most cases, I have mistaken comfort for safety, which has left me feeling lonely even when surrounded by those I identified as close friends and romantic interests. Safety is defined as the condition of being safe [unhurt, secure] from undergoing or causing hurt, injury, or loss; whereas, comfort can be defined as consolation [sympathy, compassion] in time of trouble or worry (Merriam-Webster, 2025). For years, I have been desperately searching for safety in relationships, but unknowingly settling for comfort instead.
In many of my interactions with friends and partners where I’ve turned to them for advice or tried to be vulnerable and open up to them, I’ve mainly been met with sympathy, and even encouragement at times, but not security. Sooner or later following this exchange, I would find out that my emotions and the issues I held dear were not, in fact, safe with them. My personal failures were either shared with others, in an attempt to destroy my reputation and vilify my character, or thrown back in my face during disagreements, to validate a point or discredit my perspective. The connections I’ve formed outside of my home have not been safe in most scenarios, only comforting while they were willing to make themselves physically or emotionally available to me.
While comfort is necessary at times, it isn’t enough to sustain a relationship, nor does it make up for a lack of safety. Comfort offers a jacket when you’re cold, while safety builds a home where you can stay warm. Comfort offers a shoulder to cry on from time to time, while safety provides you the space and support necessary to heal. I desire safety in all of my relationships, not only with my future spouse, but with my friends and family as well. I also want to be and show up as a safe person for my loved ones. While we can all appreciate being comforted when times are hard, I think most of us would also like the assurance that when those times come to an end, the spaces we build and share with one another will remain safe when we depart.
One of the most heartbreaking experiences I’ve had in previous relationships is being treated poorly, and even harassed, by people outside of my connection on their behalf. I have received insults, threats, and allegations from strangers based on information that was shared about me without my knowledge or consent. Oftentimes, the information shared had been initially divulged in confidence, during a private moment. Yet when the individual(s) got mad and things escalated or ended between us, they spitefully shared my secrets with others. The main reason this has been particularly painful for me is despite how any of my relationships (friendly or romantic) have ended, I do my best to be respectful and maintain each person’s character and reputation with others. I don’t expect people to respond the way that I do or uphold the same values as me, but I’ve never understood how you can love someone in one season, then hate them in the next. If nothing else, we are all human. Things happen, people change, and feelings are bound to get hurt, but I believe that decency should still apply regardless of the circumstances. Unlearning the idea that people are innately cruel, evil, vengeful, and manipulative has been difficult for me, especially in recent years. It’s a daily process that seems to become more and more trying as I get older, due to my commitment to unpacking the past while steadily having new dilemmas slicing open old wounds. BUT GOD.
I’m learning that while humans in our own selfish and sinful natural condition may only be able to offer either safety or comfort temporarily, God provides both safety and comfort eternally through His precious Holy Spirit, our Comforter, who lives on the inside of us. During my darkest seasons when no one was around to encourage me, sit with me, or even be aware of my state of mind, God was right there—protecting my physical body, shielding my mind from thoughts unlike Him, empowering me with love and peace, and listening to my every word. When we turn to God rather than people, we experience life-altering, lasting change. Even the best of humans are temporary and cannot provide us with the things we need at all times. We often can’t even provide ourselves with what we need, let alone our deepest desires. We all need provision, protection, and comfort from a source greater than ourselves, and that source is God.
God is our Provider, our Protector, our Comforter, our Healer, our Deliverer, and our PRESENT Help. God is and has every good thing that we could ever ask, think, or imagine. Although it may feel easier to lean on those who seem easily accessible to us because of their physical presence, we have to remember that even though we can’t see God, He is ALWAYS there. God is waiting for us to ask Him for help. He is always ready and able to answer our prayers and show up to meet our need. When we decide to lean into God’s presence and solely depend on Him to fulfill any and every area of our lives, we are guaranteed to experience peace.
Philippians 4:7 in the Amplified Bible says this,[7] And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours]. The Lord will take up every burden that we’re carrying, forgive us when we repent, and fill up every empty place in our lives. God is our main source for life. He can and will provide everything we need and all of the desires of our hearts. We can safely put all of our hope and trust in our Father God because He is trustworthy and will always deliver. We must be confident in our belief that God is faithful and He will be there for us every time we call on His name.
2 Thessalonians 3:3 AMP [3] But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you [setting you on a firm foundation] and will protect and guard you from the evil one.
