Psalms 32:7-8 AMP
"[7] You are my hiding place; You, Lord, protect me from trouble; You surround me with songs and shouts of deliverance. Selah. [8] I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you [who are willing to learn] with My eye upon you."

I’m realizing that one of the biggest issues I’ve faced when trying to build and maintain relationships throughout my life has been my interpretation of safety. In most cases, I have mistaken comfort for safety, which has left me feeling lonely even when surrounded by those I identified as close friends and romantic interests. Safety is defined as the condition of being safe [unhurt, secure] from undergoing or causing hurt, injury, or loss; whereas, comfort can be defined as consolation [sympathy, compassion] in time of trouble or worry (Merriam-Webster, 2025). For years, I have been desperately searching for safety in relationships, but unknowingly settling for comfort instead.

In many of my interactions with friends and partners where I’ve turned to them for advice or tried to be vulnerable and open up to them, I’ve mainly been met with sympathy, and even encouragement at times, but not security. Sooner or later following this exchange, I would find out that my emotions and the issues I held dear were not, in fact, safe with them. My personal failures were either shared with others, in an attempt to destroy my reputation and vilify my character, or thrown back in my face during disagreements, to validate a point or discredit my perspective. The connections I’ve formed outside of my home have not been safe in most scenarios, only comforting while they were willing to make themselves physically or emotionally available to me.

While comfort is necessary at times, it isn’t enough to sustain a relationship, nor does it make up for a lack of safety. Comfort offers a jacket when you’re cold, while safety builds a home where you can stay warm. Comfort offers a shoulder to cry on from time to time, while safety provides you the space and support necessary to heal. I desire safety in all of my relationships, not only with my future spouse, but with my friends and family as well. I also want to be and show up as a safe person for my loved ones. While we can all appreciate being comforted when times are hard, I think most of us would also like the assurance that when those times come to an end, the spaces we build and share with one another will remain safe when we depart.

One of the most heartbreaking experiences I’ve had in previous relationships is being treated poorly, and even harassed, by people outside of my connection on their behalf. I have received insults, threats, and allegations from strangers based on information that was shared about me without my knowledge or consent. Oftentimes, the information shared had been initially divulged in confidence, during a private moment. Yet when the individual(s) got mad and things escalated or ended between us, they spitefully shared my secrets with others. The main reason this has been particularly painful for me is despite how any of my relationships (friendly or romantic) have ended, I do my best to be respectful and maintain each person’s character and reputation with others. I don’t expect people to respond the way that I do or uphold the same values as me, but I’ve never understood how you can love someone in one season, then hate them in the next. If nothing else, we are all human. Things happen, people change, and feelings are bound to get hurt, but I believe that decency should still apply regardless of the circumstances. Unlearning the idea that people are innately cruel, evil, vengeful, and manipulative has been difficult for me, especially in recent years. It’s a daily process that seems to become more and more trying as I get older, due to my commitment to unpacking the past while steadily having new dilemmas slicing open old wounds. BUT GOD.

I’m learning that while humans in our own selfish and sinful natural condition may only be able to offer either safety or comfort temporarily, God provides both safety and comfort eternally through His precious Holy Spirit, our Comforter, who lives on the inside of us. During my darkest seasons when no one was around to encourage me, sit with me, or even be aware of my state of mind, God was right there—protecting my physical body, shielding my mind from thoughts unlike Him, empowering me with love and peace, and listening to my every word. When we turn to God rather than people, we experience life-altering, lasting change. Even the best of humans are temporary and cannot provide us with the things we need at all times. We often can’t even provide ourselves with what we need, let alone our deepest desires. We all need provision, protection, and comfort from a source greater than ourselves, and that source is God.

God is our Provider, our Protector, our Comforter, our Healer, our Deliverer, and our PRESENT Help. God is and has every good thing that we could ever ask, think, or imagine. Although it may feel easier to lean on those who seem easily accessible to us because of their physical presence, we have to remember that even though we can’t see God, He is ALWAYS there. God is waiting for us to ask Him for help. He is always ready and able to answer our prayers and show up to meet our need. When we decide to lean into God’s presence and solely depend on Him to fulfill any and every area of our lives, we are guaranteed to experience peace.

Philippians 4:7 in the Amplified Bible says this, [7] And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours]. The Lord will take up every burden that we’re carrying, forgive us when we repent, and fill up every empty place in our lives. God is our main source for life. He can and will provide everything we need and all of the desires of our hearts. We can safely put all of our hope and trust in our Father God because He is trustworthy and will always deliver. We must be confident in our belief that God is faithful and He will be there for us every time we call on His name.

2 Thessalonians 3:3 AMP 
[3] But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you [setting you on a firm foundation] and will protect and guard you from the evil one.